TwinTown CrossFit in Minneapolis

Are we a cult? Duh.

Yesterday I received a postcard from a client. His cholesterol is down. His strength is up. He’s become a better father and husband. He’s happy and effective in his professional life. He wrote to thank me but actually I am profoundly grateful to him.

Before TwinTown CrossFit my world was much smaller. In the entire city I could claim two friends. I interfaced with the outside world through a computer display. Incessant consumption caused my body to swell and my world to shrink. As my waist line grew my spirit diminished. I was dying.

What I didn’t know then was that the way to grow is through output. Not input. Living a life of service enobles because the people you serve start to see their worlds expand. And as their worlds grow, yours does too.

Two years ago I was one of the strongest people in the gym, which was odd, considering that I’m sort of a little guy. I fretted over this a lot, and eventually we made some programming changes to get people stronger. Today I report with mixed emotions that I am one of the weakest people in the gym. I’m not even on the leader board in a lot of categories. I guess my plan worked or something.

How have the athletes at TwinTown CrossFit surpassed me in such a short amount of time? Well I subscribe to the notion that the workout that I need isn’t the workout that everyone else needs. So while our athletes have been deadlifting and snatching, I’ve been working on my weaknesses, namely my running. Secretly I’m glad to have taken a break from the weight room. Weightlifting has never been my “thing”. If CrossFit were a buffet, weightlifting would be the salad. I’ll eat it but only out of a perverse sense of duty.

Here are some reasons why I don’t heart lifting weights:

1) I don’t like the music. I’m an old man. I just want to chill with some Michael Buble, a snifter of brandy and a smoking jacket. But when I lift weights I have to listen to bands with insolent names like “Mastodon”, and “Pantera”. The noise hurts my ears!

2) Three minutes of rest between lifts is two minutes longer than my attention span. It’s also exactly how long it takes me to fall asleep. If I sit down between lifts, I’m going down for good. Dozing off in the gym is not good. You get pranked in unspeakable ways.

3) I don’t like feeling angry. Especially on a day of singles I have to storm around with the crazy face and my jaw starts to hurt from all the grinding. I actually start to get angrified from the moment I wake up. When I crack an egg it vaporizes. Brooding intensity might help in the weight room but it becomes tedious for the people around you.

4) If you’re going to wear knee socks, you better be sporting a kilt and swinging a sword. Everyone knows the Highlander is cool. But without a sword and kilt you’re not Highlander. You’re just a weirdo with tall socks.

If you haven’t heard of him, Jeremy Lin is an Asian-American basketball player who famously came out of nowhere to eviscerate some of the best players and teams in the NBA. On Saturday I went to Target Center and saw Lin and the Knicks take on the Timberwolves.

Watching Lin play made me realize my own stereotypes of Asian people. I assumed he would be a technical shooter and role player. I wasn’t expecting him to slash and attack the rim. I was expecting him to play a safe and conventional game. I was surprised to see how many risks he takes and how much he improvises. I was expecting a methodical, workmanlike performance. But Jeremy Lin plays with exuberance that is more jazz than classical.

If Jeremy Lin were a joyless player, nobody would care about him, Asian or not. But Jeremy Lin has a transcendent love of the game. He matters not because he succeeds but because, in his joy, he’s not afraid to fail.

There is a sitcom for nearly every milieu.

“Leave it to Beaver” is about the home life of a nuclear family. ”The Office” is about life at work. “Friends” is about leisure time in a coffee shop.

Why don’t we have a sitcom that takes place in a gym?

Think of the comedic fodder!

That jerk told me I have a nice rack! Ha ha it was all big misunderstanding!

etc.

But seriously we already have reality shows that take place in a gym. The Biggest Loser and The Ultimate Fighter come to mind.

As CrossFit becomes more mainstream, eventually the balance will tip and the economics of scripted television will make sense.

Here’s my cast workup for the pilot:

The Inept Buffoon: gets his shorts caught in the runner of a C2 and finishes a 10k row half-naked.

The Hot Girl: she makes the dudes feel insecure because she can do more pullups than they can.

The Matronly Nag: is a paleo fascist. She makes everyone feel guilty about eating a bagel.

The Gasbag: an encyclopedia of CrossFit trivia. He never works out but he can quote Glassman at length.

The Star-crossed Lover: stop gazing longingly and ask her out already!

Now all I need is a name for the show. Suggestions?

People who think that regulating trans fats and high fructose corn syrups will advance human health are kidding themselves. Food subsidies and other regulations are a form of wealth transfer. Period.

The underlying implication of this video is that the government does not have the tools to make us healthy. How can you tax people into exercising? No rule or subsidy is going to get a couch potato off the couch.

It’s on us.

Sometimes I’ll see someone struggling in the gym. Their mechanics are perfect. Their timing is perfect. And yet they grind out. This happens all the time with muscle-ups, heavy o-lifts, sled pushing and the like. Why are these elements so challenging? Because if you’re really pushing your limits, technique isn’t good enough. You need aggression. You have to be vicious.

As a coach I can’t drill athletes on “viciousness”. Unfortunately, there’s no roadmap to crazy town and most people have a very hard time getting there because our culture is so passive. Think of a typical office environment: line up in tidy rows; don’t raise your voice; don’t try too hard; follow the rules, etc. If you replaced the cubicles with treadmills you’d have LA Fitness, right down to the florescent lights.

Which brings me to this: you’re not going to PR in the gym unless you flip the switch and access your crazy side. What makes you think you’re going to PR in life by being passive? Take a quick accounting of your life. Maybe you’re struggling with your career, relationships, school, money? I’m guessing your problems would disappear if you approached life with a little aggression.

Every day can’t be a PR day.

Sometimes it’s just a struggle to work out. The clouds don’t part. Everything feels heavy. Literally and figuratively.

But you still have to show up and put your work in. This is how you honor the genius within you.

Your genius starves without work ethic.

The winter challenge crew absolutely killed it on Saturday. There were so many PR’s that I lost count. Here are some highlights from the finals:

Back Squat

Average improvement: 30 pounds

Most improved: Craig Nelson and David Koontz (50 pounds)

Shoulder Press

Average improvement: 11 pounds

Most improved: Josh Clarin (20 pounds)

Deadlift

Average improvement: 26 pounds

Most improved: Brie Anderson (55 pounds)

Total Score

Average improvement: 67 pounds

Most improved: JJ Austrian, Craig Nelson, Jeremy Striffler (90 pounds)